The Adventures of "Stupid Cliff"

Some of you know me, and I'm sure some people reading this don't. Those of you who don't know me will learn, if I post often enough on this blog, that I feel like I should print out business cards that, like a popular Looney Toons character, should read "Clifford D. Taylor, Super Genius". You will also learn that doing so would almost be justified ;-)

You will also probably learn that I have an alter ego that is, let's admit it, an idiot. He mostly comes out when I'm preoccupied with deep thought, and handles all the day-to-day operations of my life. Basically anything that doesn't involve talking to people, he takes care of without me noticing. The problem is, he's an idiot, and a bit contemptible at that.

Recently, some of you learned that I was short a 160GB, $350 Black iPod Classic. I had determined that it had not been stolen, and even remembered taking it out of my car. It hasn't come up yet in conversation, but it turns out Stupid Cliff threw it in the bottom of the trash pick-up bin while I was thinking about the Decision Source job offer. I found it before we put the trash out by digging out all the trash from the bin -- and there it was. I only found it by guessing that it was the only place I hadn't looked.

Well, he struck again two years ago, but I just now found out. Turns out he did it for my own good this time.

A couple of years ago, I felt like I was stiffed on my 401K contributions when I left my job at Emdeon. I had even paid taxes on it in 2006. I had guessed up until this point that Emdeon had given me the balance in my final check, and I just didn't do the math, since it isn't worth Emdeon or Fidelity's trouble to steal such a small amount from me.

Turns out Stupid Cliff just hid it from me. In searching for some software to install on a computer I'm upgrading for my parents, I found an unopened envelope from Fidelity in the bottom of a drawer. Upon opening it, I find a statement of my last 401K balance, and a check for nearly $800 (my short-term contribution less taxes). The check doesn't expire, but even if it did Fidelity would gladly issue me a new one to get their accounts balanced.

So, in the long run, Stupid Cliff took care of me. Although it looks like I may get several (very lucrative) job offers by the end of next week, I might come up short in paying my car insurance if I don't get paid right away. My insurance will run me just about $800, and this check gets me close enough :-)